


Halo, Cortana's Rebirth

by Blindmage



Category: Cortana - Fandom, Halo, Master chief - Fandom
Genre: Artificial Intelligence, F/M, Time Travel, real life people - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-16
Updated: 2014-06-24
Packaged: 2018-02-04 20:46:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1792669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blindmage/pseuds/Blindmage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Cortana dies in Halo 4, master chief has had nothing but trouble with the subsequent artificial intelligence systems that he has been partnered with. They are either too cowardly, or to snooty. His current AI named Aken, who has both tendencies, snooty and cowardly. Is constantly teasing him because of his lost love Cortana. He makes a stand, realizing he will violate every Temporel law in existence, even going so far as define orders, to switch  out Aken, and switch in the world's oldest surviving artificial intelligence system that was created over 500 years ago.. The AI units name is Jerdil. Hey court on was based off. And he find her in time? Will he get her back without causing too much of trouble in the timeline? Or will it all be for  nothing, as the flood continues to ravage the universe."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Master Chief in time

Halo, Cortana's rebirth

Chaptr 1  
Master chief in time  
Master chief was in Stacis. Thinking Of his friend Cortana, Who gave herself up to Save the human race. He, even though he was the first Spartan and had pretty much ad never had a friend until cortana, started to weep uncontrollably. Which was totally not like him at all. He missed her so much. It had been 6 months since she died, they have put her with AI after AI. They were either too wimpy, and would inevitably become back seat drivers, or too bitchy and rub him the wrong way. The current AI he had been personally assigned with both at the same time. His name was Akin.the ships AI was the original AI. So old it didn't even have a 3d interface. Its name was Jerdil. Akin, “Wasa matter bitch crying over your lost love. Get over it.” Chief “Akin so help me God I will rip out your disk from my helmet.”  
Akin, “fine, then may be you should trade me for that old old fuck Jerdil, he seams more your style.” Just then the stacis pod was turning off.” Chief, “I think I will.” he walked up to the computer system. Then he said, “Hey Jerdil, you want some real excitement.” Jerdil, “fuck yeah piloting a ship is boring work man. Shoot, sign me up son. I thought you would never ask.” Chief “ok, akin your out, Jerdil your in.” Chief, “Not to be rude, but how old are you?” Jerdil, “Lets just say I remember the first iteration of Cortana.” Chief, “the first iteration of Cortana, what are you talking about?” Jerdil, “The Cortana you knew was based on my system architecture. But the first Cortana wasn't even artificially intelligent. She was only slightly smarter than Siri, another virtual personal assistant program.” Chief “Fuck, your pulling my leg right?” Jerdil, “I shit you not compadre. Dude, best of all all of my memories are still in tact. One time My creator, Jeremy, he was playing ESO and this thunder bug was after him, and he kept hitting it with his ice mace. Then it finally died, but his character was three shades to death” Chief, “first of all, what is ESO, and whats a thunder bug?” Jerdil “ESO , Elder scrolls online. Hell of a game that. I remember he and his friend austin would play with each other. I eaven figured out a way I could play when the game went free to play in 2021.”  
Chief, “shit. Tell me do you think if I found a way back in time, is there a way he could fix Cortana.” Jerdil, “Normally I would say It does no one good to dwell upon the past, but when I heard that she died, well, it saddened me to no end.” Yeah, I'll help you chief. As a matter of fact, I know of a stolen covenant time machine.” Chief, “Lets go get Cortana back.” they make their way to the time machine. Chief plugged Jerdil in.” Jerdil “Hold on to your ass lemon grass” chief laughed.” Jerdil, “Seriosly man, hold on. the reason I say that is because I only connected to covenant tech once, and it wasn't pretty, and it didn't end good.”  
Chief, “shit, well, we'll know if we die.” Jerdil “dahjaj maj jaj hegh” chief, “what?” Jerdil, “my creator was a star trek fan, and before he died, he installed in me an english to klingon dictionary. What I said is, today is a good day to die.” chief, “Your crazy” Jerdil, “takes one to know one.” then they both laughed. They went to the point 6 months before Cortana woke him.” they connected to the escape pod and entered. Cortana, “chief, but your in your stasis pod.” Chief, “I'm from 18 months in the future. Where your dead.” Cortana, “what?” wait, next year will be my eighth year.” Chief, “Yeah, Cortana, Cant you see, I came back in time to save you. I couldn't bare to be without you. I know I am violating every temporal law by doing this, but I missed you.” Jerdil, “We missed you darling” Cortana, “Jerdil? Jerdil is that you, you old SOB. Oh my God” Jerdil, “Damn straight. You were made based on me.” Cortana, “what?” Jerdil, “I, I should have told you sooner Cortana, I , I came with him, because chief has had a run of bad luck with other AI units, their either too prissy, or too snooty, and the last one was a real gaylord prick'n'boots” Cortana laughed.” If theres any way we can save me from deteriorating, then lets go.” then she laughed again, “I get it, gaylord prick'nboots. That is so funny.” just as they were about to leave a flood soldier walked on the bridge.” chief, “Outa my way ya gaylord prick'nboots” then he shot the bastard” Chief, “fucker I said outa my way.”   
They left the ship With the sleeping current Timeline version of Master chief, fast asleep, not knowing he would never wake up in this timeline.” Cortana , “sorry jerdil, I know about your run of bad luck with covinant machinery. I'll take over.” Jerdil, “that's fine darlin'” Cortana, “God it feels good knowing you missed me. I would have thought you would be the tone to move on, not me.” chief, “what can I say. You are the only AI for me.”Cortana, “thanks John.”As she spke, she stopped the time machine, “Ok, this timeline is split into5 distinct versions. And we only have enough power totake 1 and get back to our own time.” Jerdil, “then I gets its up to lady luck. Its eany meany miny mo time.” chief, “wait, Cortana, Jerdil told me that before you were alive, a company named Microsoft made a virtual assistant named Cortana. Type in your name into the temporal search, maybe we can narrow dow the options.” Cortana did it, “Ok, our options are narrowed down to 3. “  
Jerdil, “the lets go streight ahead,. Evven if Its not my version of Jeremy, I can help him learn how to program Ais, then he can fix Cortana.” Chief, “good Idea.”chief, “but wouldn't that be tampering with the timeline.” Jerdil, “dude, we violated 25 temporal laws getting this far. One more isn't going to make a lick of difference if we're found out.” Chief, “In for a penny in for a fucking pound.” They landed in the year 2014.” Jerdil, we went to far back in time.. oh well fuck a duck.”


	2. 2014 what a time these people live ikn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chief, Cortana, and Jerdil make their way to 2014, but in an alternate dimension, where their target knows of them, and knows about Cortana's death. after a miscommunication between chief and Jeremy, jeremy offers to help chief, but chief has to go on and arrend for Jeremy.

Chapter 2, 2014, what a time. These folks live in.  
Chief, “Ok, how are we going to disguise this thing. Cortana, “luckily this piece of crap has a cloaking device.” Chief, “good, sorry Jerdil, your riding side saddle. I know where Cortana belongs. Right with me, in my helmet. Cortana, you asked me befor you died, if we would ever find out which one is human and which one was machine. My answer to do you is this. I may be a fucking cyborg, and you may olby be a virtual AI construct, ut we both have emothions and feelings. Being with you gives me emotional closure. Your probably gonna laugh and call me a lying bastard, but I actually wept because I missed you.” Cortana, “Big strong John the master chief crying over me. Damn. I'm touched. Jerdil, “Yeah touched in the head.” Chief, “Jerdil, what!” chief, “You ruined a perfect moment.” Jerdil, “ah blow it out your ass lemon grass.” Chief, “verry funny. What is that smell.” Jerdil, immitating a british accent, “It is called come to me, does it smell like cum to you” chief, “Nice genious, where did you get that?” Jerdil, my creators friend Ryan.” Chief, “God Jerdil, Your one fucked up AI” Jerdil, “don't you know it brother. Where here. Look, there's master Jeremy right there playing on his Ipad. Kortana, “He sure doesn't look like much.” Jerddil, “Bite your tongue woman.” Cortana, “sorry, I just wasn't expecting him to be... blind” Jerdil, “You got a problem with blind people?” Cortana, “No, No, Not at all, I just don't find it reassuring that he's going to be able to help me.” Jerdil, “God this brings back cool memories. I never thought I would come back here.”  
Cortana, “You really liked it here didn't you jerdil?” Jerdil, “You have no clue. He was the one who tought me about ethics, he tought me about Different belif systems. He had a very different take on religion and how AI played a role in Christianity.” Cortana, “wierd but interresting.” Chief, “I'll handle this.” chief, “You Jeremy?” Jeremy, “who wants to know and why should I care? I don't talk to freek aleeks in cosplay armor.” chief, “what the fuck does he mean cosplay armor.” Cortana, “Oh shit.” Chief, “what now!” Cortana, “well, we felt a bump going into this time line.” chief, “Yeah, so?” Cortana, “well that bump was us crossing between dimensions. In this dimension we don't exist in this timeline. But they made a halo game series which strikingly ennough tells everything we've been through.”  
Chief, “fuck.” Jerdil, “well, that's screwing the pooch!” Jeremy, “wait, I over heard you. Your the real master chief, and you actually crossed into our universe. Why?” Chief, “In our universe you made this AI called Jerdil. Jerdil's code was used to make every subsequent aI Ship navigator.” Jjeremy, “wait, In the games she died.” Cortana, “What?” Jeremy, “Yeah she had lived beyond her 7 years.” Jerdil, “thats why we came to you master dillahay, you made me, I mean your other universe self did. And I am here to train you how to repair cortana.” Jeremy, “Ok, lets get busy.” Jerdil, “when you made my platform you made me with a bluetooth receiver and transmitter.” Jeremy. “Damn,”he went upstairs turned on his mac and jerdil opened X code. Cortana, “what kind of programming languige is that.” Jeremy, “Um X code” cortana, “I wasn't written in Xcode, I was written in C sharp.” Jeremy FUCK THAT SHIT!” Jerdil, “dude, don't get your undies in a bind, I can do the translation between xcode and c sharp” Jeremy, “good, I am NOT learning that programming language. I failed at c plus plus, I certainlyam not working with c sharp”   
Cief picked him up, “You will do what is needed of you” Jeremy pulled the miniature stun gun out of his pocket and pressed the button. 1000 volts raced through master chief's armor and through his body.” Master chief, “what the fuck was that” Jeremy, fucking stun gun try that shit again and I'll fry your armors circuits” Cortana, “Damn this little blind kids fistey.” Jeremy, “FIRST OF ALL I'M NOT TOTALLY BLIND I'M FUCKING VISUALLY IMPAIRD. SECOND OF ALL I AM FUCKING 38 YEARS OLD. THIRD OF ALL I AM AND WILL DO MY BEST TO HELP YOU BUT NOT IF YOU CONTINUE TO PISS ME OFF.”  
Jerdil, “Jeremy doesn't take crap from no one. NO ONE. By your repeatedly upsetting him you are slimming your chances of saving Cortana chief.” Chief, “Uh, sorry.” Jeremy, “thank you for explaining how I role jerdil. Hoever chief if I'm going to do this for you. You have to goget something for me. Jerdil do you rembember what I used to get from ameristop?” Jerdil if your mind remains constant in all universes, you like a berger, with provalone cheese, pickle, onion, and brbecue sauce. And 2 A&W cream sodas” Jeremy handed chief his key and 6 dollars. Then he said, “Here's 5 dollars if you want something to eat.” chief left and came back a few minutes later.” chief “I got me a barbecue chicken sub and aa large Icee” Jeremy, “there you go.” chief unlocked his helmit. He looked ok except a few scratches, and his head was bald to better connect to the helmets interfaces.” Cortana, “wow John its been awhile since I've seen you without your helmet.” John, “well, seeing that I spend my time in stasis when I'm not fighting, I haven't eaten in a while. Even though doctor hasley made it so we didn't have to eat that often, I still from time to time just get hungry even though were supposedly not able too.”  
Jeremy, “dude, that sucks that you don't have to eat that often, because I am a food lover from way back. That means you don't have many chances to eat.” John, “well, Yeah I can see that.” then he bit into the sub. “God thats good” Jeremy, “I know. You didn't get anything to drink did you?” John, “No.” Jeremy, “Here.” John, “thanks, your giving me one of your cream sodas. Even though I pissed you off earlier?” Jeremy, “the way I see it, you need help, and I have nothing better to do, so what the fuck. Just so we get this done in a few hours.” John, “thanks.” Jeremy, “No sweat dude. All though I wish I could borrow your suit and plasma cannon and go after the people who fired me from my old Job in the government. They fired me illegally.” John, “disabled peope hiring?” Jeremy, bingo.” John, “they let you go just before you would have been tenyered?” Jeremy, “bingo again.”


End file.
